It’s been a long time, and within a blink of an eye, it’s one year on.
Spending 26 years of my life with Kimberley, and raising a growing kid, there will always be up and down, just like a roller coaster ride. For the past year, friends, relatives, acquaintance and neighbours always wondered how my family or I was coping. Common greetings since then would be
“ What happened?”
“ How are things going with everyone?”
“How are you?”
“Take care and let’s catch up”.
Sadly, those statements are just general expression of greeting, and always seem like a passing statement.
Acceptance of life.
Throughout the past 26 years of her life as I watched her grow up; Kimberley was always full of drive and aspirations, with a clear vision of her long term and short-term goals.
She was always full of drive and aspiration; one of her aspiration includes being a PR executive for one of the top media companies. It was a lifetime well spent with her family and friends.
Her family was always her priority, the day that she subtlety disclosed her medical condition to the rest of her family members, it was heartening to see my family’s facial expressions causing tears to welled up in my eyes. It was a painstaking journey.
Given a choice, I wouldn’t change a thing
As a father, I constantly uphold these principle in life “ Less is more “, “ Agree to disagree” and “ No need to end the conversation”. I was a dad that does not express my feelings often, and if there weren’t a need I would prefer to talk less, then to carry on an argument.
The day when Kimberley announced her decision to stop her treatment, the house was filled with intensity and silence; as she was anticipating me to resist/ rebut her decisions.
Instead, we engaged in a discussion and I advised her that money should not be part of her decision-making. At that point of time, I can imagine her wondering how come I am encouraging and accepting her decision.
At that point of time, I did not say anything to her. I did not know what to say, or how should I phrase my sentence. As a person that is always very direct and blunt, I decided to keep quiet, for fear of offending anybody. A few days later, I sent an email to her; explaining the views of my decision and that I will support her decision because whatever decision is being made will have a direct impact on her life. In my email, I shared with her to believe that there is God. It probably came as a surprise to her as I do not express or verbalize my religious beliefs.
I was rather relieved that the family rallied around her decision and continued to re assured her that we will embark on this journey with her.
She will always be in our hearts
We may dream about our loved ones that passed away, but we can never bring them back to life. So I will always cherish those memories deeply. A heart that is broken is a heart that’s been loved. Even though it’s difficult at times, but just know that the love you shared with the demise is so great and irreplaceable.
One year on
As much as we prepared ourselves, mentally and emotionally that Kimberley will pass away eventually, on April 18, 2018 we were caught off guarded. We are not prepared as much as we think we are.
Grief and heartache, comes and goes as it please. Just as we thought we are coping well, memories as a family of four starts to flash through my mind. Remembering those special occasions, festive celebrations and family traditions often result in teary filled eyes.
Running away and not talking about the loss, would not quell the pain in our heart. During this period of time, family members are the best support, because they are the ones that truly understand the pain that we are going through.
As we embrace the changes around us, let us to continue to live bravely with our hearts filled with those fond memories.
Be Brave. Be Strong.
Live Boldly, as there will always be another day to live for.